Mother & son - losing & refinding one another

After Zach's Mum kind of broke up with him in late 2017, Zach lived with me full time for a period of about three months.

The good ending to this story is that he and his mother reconciled in about March of 2018, and Zach has therefore re-established his relationship with his Mum and is happily a child who can once again, proudly boast that he has two homes.

The separation between mother and son happened after a decade of Zach living week about with his mother, and with me.

His mother was concerned about Zach's screen time and wanted her rules on screens to implemented in both homes. While I shared her concerns, I was happy dealing with the issue in my own way, and happy for her to deal with the issue in her home in her way. We agreed to disagree.

Star Wars does Macbeth

Zach likes Star Wars a lot.

He does not like English very much.

However, when asked to recast the story of Macbeth into another setting, Zach was inspired.

He cast Anakin into the role of Macbeth. Anakin eager to pursue a prophecy that he will become a Jedi knight, is talked into a treacherous trail of murder by Emperor Palpatine (the role of Lady Macbeth).

The outcome was a ripping yarn presented as a stop-motion film using Star Wars figures and spaceships built out of Lego.

And Zach got top marks for his English assignment!

Here's a hyperlink to the 2'55" film.

(Or this link if the above does not work: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1h6MJesR5BWzsbJB_6bS-dYN26i_I3CCK/view).

Five days out bush - Jatbula Trail

On the morning of 20 July 2018, seven fellows headed to hike for 65kms through the wilderness.

The Jatbula Trail is located on the edge of the Arnhem Land plateau. 

It is about 300kms south-east of Darwin and lies just to the north-east of the town called Katherine.

The hike was long (65kms). And arduous (65kms carrying 15+kg on the back). 

Here's a few highlights:

Tasmania - right on point

Tasmania is to Australia like the point of an exclamation mark.

Tiny and inconsequential in some ways, but if you miss it, you miss a significant part of the whole.

Bruny Island

We started our tour by exploring Adventure Bay which is curiously one of the first areas in Australia explored by early European explorers!

About one and a half hours from Hobart airport by car (including a ferry ride), Adventure Bay is in the south-east of an island called Bruny which is to the south-east of an island called Tasmania which is to the south-east of an island called Australia.

The Stephening Standard - 2017

The major event of the 2017 year was that Zach, my little boy, simply disappeared. And in his place, a tall, fit, funny (some times) and charming (most times), young man arrived.

(You can still hear the little boy's voice on his telephone voicemail!)

The transition started with him doing a long solo paddle up Jerusalem Creek in late 2016 just before his 14th birthday.

In April of 2017, he and I participated in a week-long camp for sons and fathers (or mentors) called The Making of Men. The highlight of this camp for me was the "return to community". The men - older and younger - walked back to Durrumbul hall at the back of Mullumbimby. There they were greeted by waiting friends and family. I was delighted to see Zach's Mum and sister there for him. And Zach's mum was blown away when the mothers were gathered together in the centre, and then addressed and acknowledged by Zach and the other young men. And her smile was incandescent when all the men sang to the mothers as a choir.

Zach grew taller than me in about June.

In July, he accompanied me to a conference in the south of France, impressed and befriended some of my academic colleagues, and then stayed on by himself with our dear French friends near to Toulouse while I attended another conference in the US for a week. He managed magnificently.

In August, his braces were removed.

In September of 2017, Zach's mum gave him an ultimatum in which he had to choose between living with her most of the time and spending every second weekend with me, OR to spend all of his time with me and no time with his mother. It was probably around this time that Zach grew taller than his mother as well. I wonder if that was connected in some way?

In September, Zach and I travelled to WA. There his grandfather gave him a chainsaw to use. Trees were cut, wood was hauled, fires were started, masculine poses were pulled ... and there was much laughter.

In October 2017, Zach began flying - literally.

That's one whole bunch of growing up.

And me, I'm still growing - admittedly, mostly outward at this point. And still learning too - there's such a lot to learn!

I'm trying to work less, or at least, to focus on work that I really enjoy doing whether paid or not, and to reject the allure of mighty materialism. A work in progress!

Perhaps the best fun work I did in this last year was my tour of south Pacific islands in order to evaluate whether Australian-funded sports programs are successful in promoting social inclusion among those with disabilities.

And the best party was my sister-in-law's 50th birthday party. Glitz and glam was the theme - and me and my bros went all out... (see picture to the right)

Have a great 2018, and maybe see you there.

South Pacific tour

One of my jobs this year was to evaluate the impact of sports programs (and especially table tennis) being delivered in the south Pacific. The sports program is specifically designed to engage people with disabilities. Table tennis is ideal as it tends to encourage and support play between persons with disabilities and able-bodied people.

The research took me to Fiji, Tonga and Kiribati.

The low-way or the high-way

What do you do if your mum says to you:

You can live with me and see your father every second weekend, or you can go and live with your father full-time, no planned time with me.

Which way to go, eh? My way or the highway? The high road or the low road? The path less travelled? Or is it simply about the journey, and not the destination?

Zach takes off

So Zach has some thoughts about what he'd like to do when he grows up. And becoming a pilot seems to be the top choice at the moment.

So, he started looking at Air Cadets (too many marching drills I think), then Air League (first hour of air theory was great, but second hour of games with fairly young kids seemed to be of less interest).

Saturday 16 September 2017

Zach has an air initiation flight in a Cessna 172 down at our local airport (2km from home).

He had a blast and arrived back with a big grin on his face.

Sunday 17 September 2017

However, gliding the next day was even better even if much further away (1 hour and 45 minutes from home).

On his first flight, Zach was shown how to turn the sailplane and then told to have a go. He promptly put it into a steep bank and enjoyed the thrill of the diving turn until the instructor said "OK, let's back that off a little."

Maybe those steep turns affected him because Zach blew chunks as they flew the downwind leg prior to landing.

However, Zach was not discouraged - even if the instructors were a little more wary and made sure he knew where the airsick bag was located!

In his second flight the same day, he learned how to turn to catch a thermal, and they ended up right up under a cloud and then flying into a cloud. The instructor told Zach to exit the cloud. Zach didn't hear. The instructor repeated the instruction. Zach complied by putting the glider into a dive and popped out of the bottom of the cloud doing 120kts (240k/h).

Some more instructions, more chances for Zach to have a go, and then Zach heard a chuckle from the back seat (the instructor).

"What are you laughing about?" asked Zach

"You're flying really well for someone who has never flown before."

I have been repeatedly told to brace myself: "Your son will learn a lot faster than you!"

We'll see.

Mother's day

Zach (blue), Grandma (magenta), Mum (pink)

For mother's day this year, I was asked to deliver Zach to the creek where the clan were gathered for honouring mothers and grandmothers.

When Zach and I got there, Grandma was surrounded by grandchildren and others, but mum was not there yet.

I wished Grandma a happy mother's day, gave her a hug and communicated my good wishes to her.

Looking a little frazzled, Grandma said "Thanks, but no-one is doing what I have asked them to do."

"That ain't right," I responded. "It's mother's day. So therefore, they should be doing what you ask. Or at least, until Zach's mum gets here"

Grandma laughed but one of the cousins eyeballed me and nodded behind me saying "Zach's mum has just arrived, she is right behind you."

Oops. Time to get out of here.

Later that day, when Zach was delivered back to me in the afternoon, I felt that I ought to acknowledge Zach's mum - and maybe try to efface the guilt for my faux pas of this morning.

I stepped out of the garden where I had been working, dusty and sweaty, I strode up to her with a big smile, wished her "Happy mother's day", and gave her a big (dirty, dusty) hug.

She squealed and laughed and turned side-on to me as I hugged.

Zach stood to the side just shaking his head. I could hear his unspoken words: "This isn't going to end well."

He confirmed his thoughts with me after she had gone: "She'll be back home complaining to everyone about how you hugged her all dirty like that."

I laughed: "Yes, she will. But she enjoyed the hug and acknowledgement, didn't she."

He acknowledged what I said was true.

The Stephening Standard - 2016

Goodbye 2016!

Here's some of the gems out of 2016 for Zach and me.

Click on the links to see more about anything that interests you.

Or not!

Out of the mouths of adolescents

Zach is beginning to show his age! 

Some of his observations are both funny and perceptive.

Sailing in Shark Bay - a short history

October 25 1616, Dirk Hartog landed at a remote western point of Western Australia and left an inscribed pewter plate. 

October 25 2016, I visited this still remote point in a small (4.5m) open sailing dinghy.

Here's my short history of the various visitors (including my own visit) to this location.

A walk on the wilderness side (Hong Kong)

Going to Hong Kong and want to get away from it all? 

For a predominantly urban landscape, it has a surprising amount of wilderness to explore. Here's a few that I discovered that I think are simply awesome.

Thai sailas exploring the Andaman Sea

In July, Zach and I and six others chartered a 40' catamaran and sailed the Andaman sea in Thailand.

Here are just four highlights.

Zoey's Last Wander

Zoey our pet dog was an inveterate escape artist. In June, she wandered away for the last time. This is the story of Zoey's last wander.

Indian Pacific Train Experience

In January after a family gathering in WA to celebrate a bunch of birthdays, Zach and I returned to the east by train.

It was a most excellent experience.

Shared parenting and Star Wars

Zach now spends nine days out of every 14 with me and has done so for about a year or so now. 

The process by which this came about is interesting and gives Zach an opportunity make yet another funny and perceptive observation, this time drawing on a Star Wars metaphor to illustrate his point.

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Okay, that's all folks!

Hello 2017.

See you there.