The low-way or the high-way

What do you do if your mum says to you:

You can live with me and see your father every second weekend, or you can go and live with your father full-time, no planned time with me.

Which way to go, eh? My way or the highway? The high road or the low road? The path less travelled? Or is it simply about the journey, and not the destination?

This point came at the end of a couple of years of Mum trying to work out how to sort out son and his father.

Early in 2015, Zach's mum suggested to me that Zach come and live with me full-time and spend just every second weekend with her.

I talked her out of that - or at least, talked her into talking with Zach about the idea. Talking with Zach, she discovered he liked things just as they were, that is, 50:50.

Then in 2016, Zach's mum suggested Zach come and live with me for nine days each fortnight, and be with her for the remaining five days/nights. She wanted more time for herself and was challenged by a lack of child-free nights.

I talked with Zach about this change. He had some rather funny observations about her reasoning, and learned some important lessons about dealing with his mother as discussed in a post last year.

And so since sometime in 2016, Zach has been with me for nine days & nights, and with his mum for five.

But then, around mid-2017, Zach's mum started bumping into the young man that Zach was becoming.

She thought that we (meaning she and I) needed to haul him into line.

To be clear, the problem was not that I objected to her trying to get Zach to toe her line. What I objected to was that she wanted me to toe her line as well!

I shared some of her concerns, liked some of her intentions, but I baulked at making my household line up with her requirements. Zach's mum stopped talking to me at about this time and we left it at that.

However, absence of complaints does not constitute evidence of no complaints.

In late September 2017, Zach and his mother had a meeting of minds and a separation of ways.

She offered him a choice:

Zach, you can live with me and see your father every second weekend, or you can go and live with your father full-time, no planned time with me.

Offered "my way or the highway?", Zach chose "my way" -- by which I mean he chose his way.

Zach and his mum broke up!

I feared that Zach might feel abandoned - but nup. That didn't seem to be the case. 

It put me in mind of when I was 14. I would have happily have left home given the option!

Zach simply chose "dadoption" and he now lives with me full time.

My observation is that the right way is not always super clear. The clean, cutting edges of the road of reason do not always seem to line up very well with the torn and ragged edges of the path of passion.

I'm not sure whether the current road is the right one, but it is the one we're on right now!