On the ethics of dying

I want to talk to you about dying, son. In particular, I want to talk to you about the ethics of dying. Ethics is a term that is generally used to describe ‘the right way to live.’ (It gets confused with morals where morals are often a collective opinion about what is right and wrong to do. Ethics has nothing to do with what others think is right and wrong. It has to do with what you think is right and wrong – decisions that you can make only on reflection and thought.)

However, that’s not my point here, I want you to think about the ethics of dying. That is ‘the right way to die.’ Life is amazing – it is so trite to say that. Every day we are confronted by miracle. Whenever someone asks me if I’m having a good day, I think to myself, ‘I woke up didn’t I?’ That’s a good day. To see life, vigour, energy, exchange, co-creation, ah…how can life be anything other than amazing – awesome.

However, we need to prepare for, be mindful of our mortality. One day, I will not awake – and one day, the same will be true for you.

My wish for you is not to throw away your life – and certainly, don’t do it too soon.

I’m biased of course, You are my son, I want you to live, to experience life as I have. Let me be really honest, I want you to carry forward our genes, our name. I am proud of you, I don’t want you to disappear early from this mortal coil.

I have to admit that I was lucky to get through my teenage years and twenties. I probably was close to dying on a number of occasions. I am just so grateful for having ‘lucked out.’ To think of all that I would have missed if I had not made it through.

In fairness, if I had been snuffed out, I wouldn’t of course have known what I had missed. And the same is for you. Perhaps you will be tempted to go to the edge, to experiment with motorbikes, unsafe sex, drugs – to amplify that experience of life. While I don’t want you to stop from exploring any of these areas, I want you to be aware that in your journey to the edge, you have to be careful because if you fall over the other side, there is no chance of coming back. On the other hand, it is hardly life if we don’t push to the limit of our possible glory.

There’s a right way to die – and you need to find that.

More specifically, I want you to consider not dying young. I have loved the changes in my life, the shifts, the movements, it is really exciting to grow old. Of course, I cannot really say whether dying younger might not have been bettter. I suggest you live longer – but I did not try the shorter, brighter option – which is probably something you ought to be grateful for!

Perhaps you will choose to exit in a blaze, a bright-magnesium spark of life lived. To die on a firey motorcycle crash, to die by contracting AIDS or some other terminal sexually transmitted disease contracted in a blazing orgasm, to die in mind-blowing ecstacy of a drug-induced trip – these may be glorious in ways that I cannot know because I never chose them. Perhaps I am weak for that. Perhaps you will be able to go closer to the edge than me – but do be careful. Don’t fall off – unless that is of course your conscious choice.

That’s what this is about – it is about choice. I want you to choose. More, I want you to choose wisely. You have the wisdom of youth which is quite different from the wisdom of age. Wisdom of age is that held in the hearts and minds of older people who survived – and if they were to be honest, survived by good fortune rather than good design. I hope you might at least consider that wisdom.

I admit that this piece of advice is as much for me as it is for you. For my part, I need to let go, to accept your decisions. It is your life. You have the right to choose how to live it and how to leave it. What sort of gift is it when I grant the gift, then try to control how you use it.

I want you to die consciously, not unconsciously. Don’t die by accident, make it deliberate, make it thoughtful. The ethics of living are intimately tied up with the ethics of dying. Give it some thought. Live, love, laugh – and when you go, it is my deepest wish that you will leave having experienced all that you would have wished to have experienced at the point that you exit.